OK, here goes, im having one of those nights.... so i was thinking...no..better not explain how i got to this idea .

but i was wondering how many funny tips on caring for your penguin you could all come up with?

For example:

-Do not use your penguin to shave your bikini line
-Do not use your penguin for sexual pleasure
-Do not cook your penguin, penguins are salty
-Do not use your penguin as a wig
-Do not put you penguin in your pants and expect for the best
-Do not make your penguin a sleeping bag made of plastic bags
-Do not stick your penguin out the window of a moving car
-Do not bury your penguin in the yard unless dead
-Do not spin dry your penguin.

you dont mean tux do you?

STOPPP SHOOTING UP OR SMOKING....whichever you do STOP

nope i don't mean tux and i dont smoke anything....im just one of those off target thinkers who always wanted a penguin

Do not use you penguin to check whether that little light in the fridge still works when the door is closed.

its funny m8

LOL
I like that one

warning: do not attempt to inflate penguin.

this penguin contains small parts that may represent a choking hazard, and is therefore not suitable for children under 3 years of age.

Ok, in Classic Razor Style, Here Goes:

First off, all species of penguin are protected so that you could only (legally) get a penguin from a Zoo that had bred it.

Secondly, you would need a constant and reliable supply of fresh frozen fish as well as appropriate vitamin supplements, you would also need to know a vet who was familiar with penguins and the many diseases they are prone to when kept in captivity.

Thirdly, you would need to be able to feed the birds every day so you couldn't take any more vacations! You can't just put a penguin into kennels!

Fourthly, you would need to build a suitable enclosure to keep the bird - remember different species have very different environmental requirements (temperature, vegetation etc.). For example, there are no species of penguin that could live outside year round in say Chicago with its wide temperature variations. Plus all species of penguins require access to a large, deep and clean pool of water - preferably salt water.

Fifthly, penguins tend to live in large colonies - anything less than say 20 birds would not be sufficient. So you would need a very healthy income. Zoo's here reckon it costs around 400 pounds (700 US$) per year just to keep a penguin in fish!

Finally, why would you want to keep penguins for yourself anyway? They are much better left in the wild or in well looked after breeding colonies in Zoos and Aquaria. Remember that nearly all species are endangered to some extent or another.

However, if you insist on keeping a Penguin as a pet:

-Do Not use your penguin as an excuse to post on iexbeta

A man can dream about owning a penguin

hahaha


-Do not use your penguin as a tool for making others who would like a penguin jealous

ya why not? i want a penguin as a pet.. and of course it would be called Linux or Tux. What a pimp thing to have... a PENGUIN!

W00t!

Ph34r the 1337 penguin!

Warning, Penguin may cause iritation if used rectally

-Do not insist on trying to force your Penguin to fly.
You will kill it. If it could fly, then obviously it's friends
and family would be suunbathing in Bahamas by now, and NOT living where it is fucking cold.

Do not smoke your Penguin thinking its a Doobie!

Do try to light your penguins farts on fire... you might burn his ass and that will make him depressed.
And no one wants a depressed penguin...

Do not kill your penguine on purpose

Never try to undress your penguin (i.e. remove it's Tux...) It tends to make them dead.
Never use a frozed penguin as a blunt object, it's just plain mean...

never attempt to cross-bread your penguin with any other animal.

Good one!!!
Never sleep with your penguin... even if the more you drink the better they look.
You'll regret it in the morning....

lol

Do NOT let your penguin apply the corp. files to W2K3.
Your penguin may be a noob.

do not attempt to feed penguin the linux install discs. it may choke.

LMAO

LMAO