okay, so here's what happens.
i setup my raven shield dedicated server on window 2003. nobody outside of my LAN can connect to it, or see it for that matter (they just get a 'server is not responding' error). so i copy the .ini files from the 2k3 box, to my xp box and run the dedicated server there... works fine (people can connect, play, etc). i checked my router settings and they are exactly the same for both the 2k3 and the xp stuff.
so my question is, is there some setting in 2k3 i have to change or something (i have the software firewall disabled)? because i can connect to it fine via LAN, but the people on the WAN cannot connect. which is really annoying, anyway, thanks.